Croaktown P.D. — Known Associates File · Exhibit D
Skeeter the Auctioneer
'The Hammer'
Authenticator of swamp memorabilia
The fence with a gavel. Skeeter moves the merch PooPee won't let the property room keep — one signature at a time, at prices that would embarrass a legitimate auction house, if the swamp had one.
How he met PooPee
Skeeter came to a lockup fundraiser to appraise a lot of 'confiscated swamp curios' and left as the crew's exclusive fence. He took one look at what PooPee's name did to a price tag and understood he was no longer in the memorabilia business — he was in the PooPee business, which is bigger and drier.
He authenticates everything himself. He is the only authenticator. He authenticates his own authentications. Nobody has ever successfully disputed a Skeeter certificate, mostly because the disputers went fishing.
What he moved
The exhibits that 'walk' out of the property room tend to reappear, cleaned and certified, under Skeeter's gavel. His inventory is the missing half of the evidence locker. He would call that a coincidence. He would call a lot of things a coincidence.
He once tried to move the soft brother's autograph from across the water. He left it out in the rain on purpose and nobody noticed it was gone. He counts this as the most honest thing he has ever done.
One signature, a small fortune. The other brother's autograph? I left it in the rain on purpose and nobody noticed.
Where this name turns up in the file
- The rap sheet — the exhibits that went to auctionEvery count involving memorabilia that 'walked.'
- The jobs — how the merch got movedThe fencing operation, gavel by gavel.
- The glossary — swamp terms, definedLook up 'fence,' 'the walk,' and 'authenticated.'
- The whole crew, one line eachEvery toad, cricket, and skeeter on the payroll.