A swamp-mafia frog behind bars for crimes he absolutely did commit. Spring him with $POOPEE and split the loot — or croak trying.
Tale of two tadpoles
Same clutch of eggs. Two destinies. Spoiler: only one of us is interesting enough to fund.
Self-made swamp tycoon • Career criminal • Iconic
Yeah, I did it. What of it? Buy the token, hop on the rocket.
Wholesome bog frog • Currently writing memoir titled 'Why Me?'
I'm innocent! I just want to clear my name! Boo-hoo, hoo-hoo, hoo.
PeePoo says I 'framed him.' Listen: if anything, I gave him a story. A purpose. Main-character energy. He should be paying me royalties.
File #: PP-04-20-6969
Forged his twin's tongue-print on 17 shell pondcompanies to launder $4.2M in swamp-bucks. Defendant's only legal defense, transcribed verbatim: 'lmao'.
GUILTY — three concurrent terms in the Lily-pad Lockup.Ran 'Big Tongue's' — a 24/7 illegal casino in the storm-drain under 4th & Cattail. Featured cricket fights, fly-roulette, and one (1) stolen blackjack table allegedly fenced from a riverboat.
GUILTY — but business was VERY good while it lasted.Ate a key witness mid-deposition. Witness was a fly. Court noted 'this is technically what frogs do' but charged him anyway out of principle.
GUILTY — but tasty.Operated a lily-pad gondola while loudly singing about how much money he had made. Officer Croaksworth described it as 'kind of inspirational, actually.'
NEGOTIATED DOWN — sentenced to one (1) public apology, did not apologize.★ Croaktown Bulletin ★
Approach with caution. Subject is armed with a tongue and a great smile.
BOUNTY
690,000 $POOPEE
(payable in $POOPEE)
Reward paid to any frog willing to fund the breakout. Subject considered fully unrepentant. Will absolutely flee to the islands. Will absolutely cut you in for 3% if you ask nicely and bring a cigar.
SPRING HIM NOWWord on the swamp
PooPee is the only frog I've ever respected. He stole my wallet AND gave me business advice. Both were valuable.
I tried to arrest him three times. He gave me a cigar and a job offer. I'm a corrupt cop now. Worth it.
Let him out for one ribbit. He made me 14x in $POOPEE. The man could run for governor of the swamp.
PooPee owes me 12 flies and a dignity. I'd let him slide on the flies. Not the dignity.
Sold his autograph for 6 ETH. No regrets. PeePoo's autograph? Couldn't get a dollar in this market.
My brother PeePoo cries in court. I do not. That is, allegedly, the difference between us.
Go-live signal drops on-site and on X the moment the tunnel dries.