The Rogues' Gallery

The mark who became the crew

File tie-in Walked into the storm-drain casino (§ 04.2, The Cattail Street Ribbit Casino) with a warrant and a badge, meaning to shut it down. Left with a cigar, a job offer, and a dental plan. The only frog in this gallery who got conned so completely he switched sides — see him now on the crew page under 'The Convert.'

“ I came to make an arrest. I stayed for the cigar. Somewhere between reading him his rights and lighting up, I forgot which one of us was the cop.

Buyer of a lily-pad that never was

File tie-in The forty-first frog to sign for a pre-construction pad in the Sunrise development (§ 07.3, The Forty-One-Tenant Lily-Pad). Put down flies on a lot with no water, no pad, and no address you could hop to. Discovered the whole thing over dinner with Tenant #12 — same brochure, same pond, same nothing.

“ I asked to see the pad. He showed me the brochure. I asked to see the water. He showed me the brochure again. Best salesfrog I ever met and he sold me a puddle.

Second buyer, same imaginary pad

File tie-in Bought lot twelve of one (1) lily-pad that was also lots one through forty-one (§ 07.3, The Forty-One-Tenant Lily-Pad). Brought the lease to dinner to brag; Tenant #41 pulled out an identical one. The soup went cold. The complaint went in. The pad still does not exist.

“ We laid the two leases side by side on the table. Same pad. Same signature. Same nothing. I've never respected and hated a frog so much over one bowl of gnat bisque.

Forensic clerk, tongue-print lab

File tie-in The lab tech who finally proved the tongue-press forgery was a forgery (§ 09.1, The Tongue-Press Shell Game) — matched the whorls, filed the report, put the swamp's one unforgeable signature back on trial. Won the case and lost the argument, because the defendant complimented his handwriting on the witness stand.

“ I cracked the one con nobody else could crack. Testified for three days. And he leans over and says my report was the cleanest forgery he'd ever seen. From him, that's a medal. I'm still not over it.

Records clerk, Swamp Revenue Office

File tie-in Processed a tax return so honest, so meticulous, so tax-paying that it could only have been a fraud (§ 13.0, The Good Twin Gambit). Realized mid-audit he'd been handed a good twin's spotless paperwork worn like a costume. Wept at his desk. The subject later expensed the tissues to a shell pondcompany.

“ It was the cleanest return I ever saw. That's how I knew. Nobody is that good a citizen — except the brother he was pretending to be. I cried. He wrote off my Kleenex. On my form.