Known associates — Croaktown P.D. intel file
The Crew
Nobody builds a swamp empire alone. These are the toads, crickets, and skeeters on PooPee's payroll, in his debt, or simply too entertained to turn him in. Every one of them is named somewhere in the case file — here's who they actually are.
- Trench-coat Toad'The Fixer'
Lowlife on retainer
File tie-in First name on the testimonial wall. Allegedly the toad who 'finds' whatever a shell pondcompany needs found. Lost a wallet to PooPee and walked away grateful.
He stole my wallet AND gave me business advice. Both were valuable. I'd hire him to rob me again.
Read the full dossier → - Officer Beebs'The Convert'
Ex-Swamp PD, current consigliere
File tie-in Tried to arrest PooPee three times under § 04.2. Got a cigar and a job offer instead. Now advises the very ring he was assigned to dismantle.
I'm a corrupt cop now. Worth it. The dental's better on this side of the badge anyway.
Read the full dossier → - Big Mama Mallory'The Pond Bank'
Loan shark, accepts bug-currency
File tie-in Financed the storm-drain casino under § 04.2 before the raid. PooPee still owes her twelve flies and one (1) dignity. She is collecting on exactly one of those.
He owes me twelve flies and a dignity. I'd let him slide on the flies. Not the dignity. Never the dignity.
Read the full dossier → - Skeeter the Auctioneer'The Hammer'
Authenticator of swamp memorabilia
File tie-in Moves the merch PooPee won't let the property room keep. Sold one autograph for a small fortune in flies. Could not give away the soft twin's autograph across the water.
One signature, a small fortune. The other brother's autograph? I left it in the rain on purpose and nobody noticed.
Read the full dossier → - Warden Toadkins'Early Parole'
Definitely-not-bribed prison official
File tie-in Runs the Lily-pad Lockup where PooPee is serving three concurrent terms. Let him out 'for one ribbit.' The cellblock has run smoother — and more profitably — ever since.
I let him out for one ribbit and he ran the block better than my office ever did. The man could be governor of the swamp.
Read the full dossier → - Wendell Croaks'The 3am Window'
Bail bondsfrog, swamp-side window open till 3am
File tie-in Has posted bond for both twins. One autographs sympathy cards; this one autographs confessions. Only one of them ever skips — and, allegedly, it is not this one.
I've bonded out both brothers. One cries on the paperwork. This one signs it like a deal memo. Guess which never skips.
Read the full dossier → - Jiminy Pressley'The Headline'
Senior cricket correspondent, The Daily Ribbit
File tie-in Turns every arrest into front-page lily-pad copy. 'POOPEE SEEN LEAVING COURTHOUSE SMILING' sold out in an hour. Has never gotten a single chirp off the soft brother across the water.
He's the only frog in this swamp who sells papers. The other one couldn't make news if he fell in the press itself.
Read the full dossier → - Officer Croaksworth'The New Watch'
Property-room cop, badge #047
File tie-in Maintains the chain of custody on the Evidence Locker — minus the three (3) exhibits that have quietly gone missing. He has no comment, and a new watch. Also writes the Cellblock D dispatch.
Three exhibits walked out of my property room. I logged the loss, logged the wink, and bought a new watch. No further comment.
Read the full dossier → - Muddy Gil'The Courier'
Swamp-side money mule
File tie-in Moves the bag from channel to channel by night and has been stopped and searched nine (9) times. Property has recovered lint, one stale cricket heel, and zero flies. He says he was carrying air.
They've searched me nine times and found lint. I carry air, officer. Last I checked the swamp still lets a frog carry air.
Read the full dossier → - Cornelius Quill'The Ledger'
Marsh accountant, keeps two sets of books
File tie-in The 'one (1) very nervous accountant' this file keeps naming. Keeps two folios — the one they subpoena and the one that balances — and would sooner eat the second than let it surface.
There are two sets of books. I keep them both. If you ever see the second one, so did the last frog who saw it, and he's fishing in the islands now.
Read the full dossier → - Sterling Frobisher'The Dry Cleaner'
Rival fixer, works the far bank
File tie-in The other one's fixer — cleans up messes across the water so thoroughly there's no mess left to enjoy. PooPee keeps a standing offer out for him, filed under 'rival,' which in Croaktown is a slower word for 'recruit.'
I keep my client's name out of the papers. That's the job. Over here they don't have that problem — over here they buy extra papers.
Read the full dossier →
The lay of the swamp
The Swamp Map
Six ways deeper into the underworld. Pick a door — they all wind back to me eventually. That's how you know whose swamp it is.
- The Rap SheetEvery count they could make stick, and a couple they invented. I did all of it grinning.Read the charges
- The JobsThe heists, worked step by step — the casino, the tongue-press, the pad that never was. Take notes.Case the jobs
- The CrewEvery toad, cricket, and bent cop on the payroll or in my debt. Loyalty runs one direction. Down.Meet the crew
- The Croaktown GazetteThe swamp's fish-wrap of record. They run my name on Page One every week. I never write in.Read the front page
- Frequently Alleged QuestionsThe questions the swamp keeps asking. The answers my lawyer keeps begging me not to give.Ask the frog
- Places of CroaktownEvery recurring address in one gazetteer — the casino, the lockup, the cell, the courthouse-that's-a-casino, and the dotted line offshore.Walk the swamp
Lost? Good — a frog who can't be found can't be served. Every trail on this map is a work of parody; follow at your own risk.
The sewer list
Get on the sewer list
You've met the crew. Now get the memos the crew gets. Follow PooPee on X for fresh confessions, new associates, and the occasional alibi that won't hold up in court.
Follow PooPee on X — @getpoopeeNo dues. No initiation. The only way out is unfollowing, and even that gets noticed.